Here we go!

I woke up this morning feeling "normal"...meaning I had no intention that today was going to be "the day"! You know...every dieter says..."I will start tomorrow..." but whoever does? Well...that would be ME! Yeah me! (semi sarcastic)

My brain is wired really really really crazy...not sure if it's all the fumes of kim-chi (fermented cabbage from Korea) back in the homeland or perhaps it was the daily aerosol hairspray I used back in the 80's to keep my bangs as high as the scene in "what about Mary"! But when something clicks in my brain...I'm ALL in! So...today I'm ALL in!!!

I want to emphasize how much I love God on this journey and I want to share with you how much I think...wait...I KNOW He loves me! Take a look at my 34 years of existence...God is written all over it! He has scooped me and plopped me and prevented me and guided me to where I am now...which is a very blessed and loved person!

NOW...look at me...just physically speaking...not as a whole and I'm so wonderful in my heart blah blah blah...but truly physically...I'm a mess! I have rolls coming out of who knows where...can't even bend over and put my shoes on without leaning over a little bit over my roll...yes I said leaning OVER my stomach so I can reach my toes! This ladies and gentleman is ME being in control...me having total reign of my body and this is what I've done with it! It makes me sad and a bit ashamed.  I'm soooooooo grateful God is in control of my whole being...because if it was me...I would make it more of a mess like I have with my own body! Oh wait! I actually have done that tried to "pretend" I'm in control of my life...and yeah...that didn't work so well for me either...again Thankful for God's mercy and His grace on my life!

I'm not trying to lose weight so I can get attention and say "look at me and how hot I am"...other than from my husband of course :-) and I'm not trying to lose weight so I can brag and show off my body and say my way of doing this is the best way.  I'm trying to start getting my body back to where I think God wants it...in my heart I'm ready to do anything!!! However, my body is not going to let me just do anything :( and I don't think that's what God has in store for me! So...I'm ready to get disciplined and follow God's example and trust in Him and take my portion...the one He set for me... and not everyone and their mother kind of portions!

Oh I forgot! I'm also on this weight loss journey so I can potentially have a healthy pregnancy! :-) I am 183 pounds and this was my ending weight with my last child Matt not my beginning!  I had a very hard last trimester and I don't need to complicate things more for my body and for the baby! My birth mother died while giving birth to me...I don't know exactly why...and I'm assuming it wasn't because she was overweight because I am certain she was in poverty...but without knowing...I don't want to take that risk.  I might as well eliminate any possibility that I can.  God is in control and I trust Him completely! I just think he's working with a really hard palate right now :-) Not that he can't do anything...but he gave us choices and I haven't (this is just me...I'm ONLY ever speaking about me in this blog) made the best choices of what I put in my mouth!

So I am going to write down each day if you care to know...how many calories in & out, how I exercised and how I feel (honestly feel) and maybe you can relate and if you have any advice/encouragement I would love to hear them...here we go!

Day 1

• 53 minutes of day 1 of the P90X series...chest/back today
• felt great working out...but by 9pm I was already sore and feeling it
• excited to start this journey!
• didn't really track my calories today...will get better!